You desire close relationships. You know that your happiness depends on the quality of your relationships, but it is difficult to develop new, satisfying relationships and even harder to keep good relationships strong.
We all become frustrated with our families and those closest to us. You don’t want to dislike your colleagues, but everything that comes out his mouth makes your eyes roll around in your head. Your neighbors seem nice, but you just can’t seem to make a connection. Trying to make a new friend at a networking event, forget about it!
Fortunately, there is a simple technique that helps you become magnetic. This technique instantly draws people towards you, and helps you to develop new relationships, and boost your relationships with your spouse, children, family and friends.
This one technique can change all your relationships.
It is so called the GAPP Method. It incorporates gratitude, admiration, perspective, and positivity to enhance your life, and the lives of those around you. Just follow these simple steps whenever you want to feel closer to someone, are feeling frustrated or angry with another person, or you want to start developing a new relationship. Try it. It is truly amazing!
Start by finding one or more things about the person that you are grateful for. This could be something very simple, such as “I am grateful that he wore that beautiful tie because it reminds me of the beach.” If it is a person close to you, think of everything that they have brought to your life or the lives of others. It doesn’t matter if you express the gratitude directly to the person or just keep it as a thought.
A recent study by Williams & Bartlett shows that expressing gratitude to a stranger can quickly create a social bond. Additionally, expressing gratitude to people you are already close to can ignite your bond and increase relationship satisfaction. An added bonus: practicing gratitude can increase happiness and overall well‐being, and lower depression and illness.
It is very difficult to dislike a person that you admire or that admires you. Finding something to admire about someone can sometimes be very tough, but if you can just find one small thing, it can change your relationship. Look at all aspects of the person to find points of admiration. For example, do you like the way they dress, the way their colleagues respect them, or how hard they work to take care of their family?
Another tip is to look at areas where you judge or envy the person ‐ these are often areas that you feel lacking in your own life. Turn it around and start admiring these areas, and you may find that you start showing these same traits. Marriage experts, Drs. Julie and John Gottman also indicate that admiration towards your partner can help create stronger marriages.
You can make this step easier by creating a list of things you admire about each of those that are close to you. In this way, when you are frustrated or angry with them, you can quickly refer to your list. If you want to take it a step further, make a copy of the list and give it to the person!
Try to see the story from the other side. There are always many different ways to see a certain situation or person. When you find yourself at odds with someone, try to understand where they are coming from. What is their background, their beliefs, and their circumstances? You don’t have to agree with their perspective, you just have to try to understand it – this is empathy. When you create empathy with another person, you can grow closer and remove judgements. For example, try seeing the world from the eyes of your 4 year old child to understand why she is refusing to go to bed. Monsters under the bed can be a very scary reality for a 4 year old.
When you are in a positive mind‐set, others will feel the good vibes and be drawn towards you. On the other hand, negativity and complaining can spread like wild fire and create an atmosphere of anger, anxiety and tension. I’m assuming you do not want any of these things present when you are trying to create or enhance a relationship. Catch yourself thinking or saying negative comments, and try to replace these thoughts with more positivity. Since you have gone through the previous three steps, positivity should come easy to you!
Processing through gratitude, admiration, perspective and positivity will encourage new relationships, and instantly elevate current relationships!
Use this method to instantly boost any relationship or overcome any resentments or judgement. The GAPP Method works because it removes your judgement about yourself and the other person, which makes others more comfortable; and most importantly, makes you more magnetic.
Grab some post‐it notes and write GAPP on them to remind yourself to use the method. Because once you start practicing this method consistently, you will start seeing major shifts in all of your relationships and your levels of happiness!