There is so much great information today about body acceptance, self-esteem, self-confidence, and caring for yourself.  Yet I still see an area where we need to do some work, and that’s the piece of self-love, in which we choose (or not) a wonderful life partner for ourselves.  Look at any magazine racks in your local grocery store or many dating blogs, and here’s what you will read, “5 surefire ways to get your man to commit;” “Make him fall head over heels in love with you;” or “Make these 4 changes to attract the man of your dreams.”

These articles are not about self-love! Don’t fall for them.  They are articles telling you how to change yourself in order to attract someone into your life.  They are essentially saying, “Hey listen, you aren’t really good enough to attract a great partner, so here’s what you need to change in order to do so.  You aren’t so great, so give up that self love and add in a big dose of self loathing.”  Is that really the message you want to give yourself?  Are you really interested in finding a partner who won’t love you for who you are?

The most important adult decision you will make is choosing a good life partner.  Do you really want to start that relationship from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem?  Why do all of this work on your emotional and physical health and wellness, to then let in someone who wants you to be different? You really want to love yourself, find self-love first, and then find a partner who agrees with you!

Look for a partner who wants to support your goals and dreams, as much as you would support their dreams.  Look for a partner who wants to grow into a better person with you but not at your expense.  Look beyond the butterflies in the stomach type of romance to a true, equal, and loving partnership. Look for a person who sees you as the wonderful person, and you are not the person they want you to be for their own interests.  Mostly, look for a kind and compassionate partner, but never someone who treats you cruelly in any way.

I’ve met too many women who have spent years with the wrong partner and their self-esteem is shot. Self-love is out the door when you’ve spent years hearing negatives about yourself.  Don’t settle for a partner who would do this to you.  Love and value yourself and look for a partner who does the same. Life’s too short and too important to accept anything less.